XIN

2012-02-15T22:04:00.002+08:00

It was Valentine's yesterday. I had a simple celebration with Daryl at SHATEC's Recipe and went for a little shopping trip after that. We didn't want anything too fanciful or too expensive as both of us are kinda tight this month. But nonetheless, being the ever sweetheart he is, he brought me to buy bags as gifts for me.

Didn't really know what I was looking for, so I went from one shop to another to see if anything caught my eye. In the end, I had my eyes on 2 bags from Charles & Keith and decided on them both.

I already had my eyes set on the blue tote bag when I first saw it somewhere else. And, yesterday it was the last "new" piece (other than the display one) in stock around City Hall. This design is selling like hot cakes now.

The rose and the pinkish goody (actually it's macaroons) were from Recipe.

Card from Love :)

I love receiving cards/notes! I think it's such a thoughtful thing to give to someone. It expresses your sincerity towards the person and it shows that you put in effort in giving a certain something, or maybe just that card alone is good enough, sometimes.

The words written inside is very important to me and for me, I really cherish all these little actions done by the other party. Sweet <3

Anyway, I also gave him something..... which is more practical la....

as seen in the picture, Razer's Black Widow Ultimate Keyboard

Bought this because I think he really needs a NEW keyboard. The old one keeps my nerves agitated all the time whenever I use it. hahaha. SOooo... technically, buying this for him benefits me as well!

But, this particular brand is what he requested for. Actually, he was just randomly telling me that this keyboard is darn cool and there's blue light whenever it's on. bla bla bla.... SO I KNEW THIS IS ONE OF THE "WANTED" ITEMS ON HIS LIST...

Well, review? We both love it! fucking cool blue lights which can be adjusted to 3 or 4 different brightness. Loveeeee the keys... totally love how it feels whenever you type. If you played ICQ before, it is something like that sound whenever you type on the chatbox.

Okay, few pictures on the dinner we had.

Some 2 weeks ago ( I think), we went to Timbre @ Art House & Winebar to drink before Timo leaves for Perth to complete his degree. Well, it will be a 6 months getaway only.... But, anything for a reason to party yea? hahaha.

The awesome roasted duck pizza at Timbre. LOVE IT...... YUMs.

The aftermath from drinking all sorts of nonsense at Wine bar.

tskkk.... Without the alcoholic around....... I think there will not be much partying until he is back again..

:(:(:(

not that I like to partyyy like an animal, I just love the music and drinking and the FUN with my friends!

Wellll.... I guess I'll end here... with some of my zi lian photos.... hehe :)

my lover boy, he is the most amazing partner one can have!

goodnighty! <3

Holidays No More

2012-01-30T22:52:00.000+08:00

It's officially working mode. No, it should be hardcore working mode.

No more long holidays till end of year, unless if I am going away for a trip, Australia? Probably, July? :)

This year I have so much to achieve and to change for the better. Definitely, very career focused this year.

But of course, I'd need to balance my life with love, work, family and friends.

I have a whole load of checklist for 2012 and they are in my head, which I haven't got the time to pen it down somewhere (or here).

oh yea, I really need to save up. LIKE ALOT.

Time is ticking, time waits no man.

Gonna go 2nd Uncle House to bai Tian Gong in a while, it's gonna be a late night...

Sleepppyyy....

No Chinese New Year Mood.....

2012-01-12T23:21:00.000+08:00

Ended work pretty late today, one of the latest day that I have knocked off so far.
Actually I am not exactly worn out, it's just that my feet hurts a lot from all the walking and my new shoes as well.

Are you feeling the CNY mood already? Cos I am not... it's not like X'mas you know, ain't no CNY feeling. Don't know why. tsk.
I know many people don't really like CNY but I am not too sure why? I mean, it's fun and you get to eat a lot of gooodies and get to meet a lot of people you haven't seen very much all year round, and of cos, you can get money! lol. but this only benefits those who aren't married yet. O well. I love CNY!

It's during festive like this you get to eat awesome treats like Pineapple tarts! This was made by Bf's dad :) Thank you uncle!

honestly, uncle's tart is the best one I have taste thus far this year. it totally melts in your mouth, right amount of buttery taste and pineapple fillings.... super addicted. I secretly wished that BF will pick up these skills from his dad and make pineapple tarts for me every year! yay! hahahaha.

well well, sad to say... my family will not be celebrating CNY this year... like house visiting and all. My papa decides to bring us to Batam for a short trip, starting from the eve till the 2nd day of CNY. That means, I will be having reunion dinner there! but it's okay, at least there's awesome seafood and massage!

I guess, this year is gonna be a tougher one as compared to last year. Economy doesn't seem to be picking up any time soon... I really hope Asia's not going to be very affected by what's happening around in the Europe & US side.

Anyway, Julie's leaving us to pursue other interest of her own... So we had a farewell lunch for her at Tze Char, Great World. The food is pretty okay there but the staff really needs to improve on their service level.

Dear Julie, thank you for all the guidance all these time at work. Although I am not very close to you, but I really admire your perseverance and hardworking attitude. Thank you for being you! :)

It kinda came as a shock to me when her resignation was announced, but nonetheless, I wished her all the best and sincerely hope everything will get very much better in her new life.

SOooo, it's gonna be sleepy time soon... I think I will be posting on my cooking adventure during Fossil's Expedition 2011 at Cookyn Inc. ;)

Good Night <3

2012's First...

2012-01-11T23:06:00.000+08:00

I was telling bf the other day that I want to go back to blogging regularly and really want to revamp the whole site, but just ain't sure should I change a new address or continue sticking to this.

Anyway, I guess for now I will just continue with this till I feel that it's time to change or start with a brand new blog.

So, I had a really wonderful X'mas and a simple new year celebration. Partying during X'mas eve and the actual itself, home time at Bf's place for New Year. I guess age is really getting on me, can't party like before. But I guess that's good for me as well, save more and healthier too. (I really sound like I am middle age already, lol)

I will post pictures up soon, hopefully by this week. Really wanna keep this blogging momentum going.

Today, I have a visitor to my place and her name is Crystal. Just keeping her at my sister's place for a couple of days before returning back to the owner. Poor dog. Her owner didn't want to keep her anymore and so she was given away for foster care. People do not have a conscience nowadays, how would you like it if you were given away just because of your health problems?

Oh well, here's a couple of pictures of Crystal & I :) she's really obedient and has a gentle nature.

Hahaha, anyway the last picture is not Crystal but my nephew, Darius.
Just ending it off with his cuteness.

Good Night! <3

你还是要幸福

2011-12-06T21:49:00.000+08:00

不确定就别亲吻
感情很容易毁了一个人
一个人若不够狠
爱淡了不离不弃多残忍

你留下来的垃圾
我一天一天总会丢完的
我甚至真心真意的祝福
永恒在你的身上先发生

你还是要幸福
你千万不要在招惹别人哭
所有错误从我这里落幕
别跟着我铭心刻骨
你还是要幸福
我才能确定我还得很清楚
确定自己再也不会占据你的篇幅
明天开始这一切都结束

还我钥匙的备份
我觉得再见可以很单纯
我甚至真心真意的祝福
永恒在你的身上先发生

你还是要幸福
你千万不要在招惹别人哭
所有错误从我这里落幕
别跟着我铭心刻骨
你还是要幸福
我才能确定我还得很清楚
确定自己再也不会占据你的篇幅
明天开始这一切都结束

你还是要幸福
你千万不要在招惹别人哭
所有错误从我这里落幕
别跟着我铭心刻骨
你如果很幸福
半夜的简讯我就不需回复
因为你的悲喜已经有了容身之处
我也能有
最纯粹的孤独最孤独的孤独

2011-08-24T00:46:00.001+08:00

I am really feeling very empty and lonely. as ever.
A soul that need nourishment.

“Sometimes there’s nothing to say. Sometimes silence expresses more than words. Picking up the phone, dialing a number, it can do more damage than good, but humans are afflicted with the obsessive. So we make things worse, just by trying to make them better.”

2011-08-23T20:57:00.001+08:00

First time, hide and cry.. When I'm out w friends.

Nobody knows.

With love, Lin Xin

2011-08-22T00:57:00.001+08:00

There are days when you actually had a good day but you still feel so empty and lost inside.

Yup. Today's one of those days.

When all the laughter and smiles disappeared in just a split second. One second you are smiling like a crescent moon and the next, your face in frowning and your soul is lost somewhere.

I don't know what is wrong with me but I hv been feeling rather depressed lately.

Putting a strong front is not easy at all. Thought I should be seasoned by now. Tsk.

Gd night.
With love, Lin Xin

dogs are human too

2011-08-21T01:43:00.000+08:00

weekends and i am home. Bubbles & Angel are here to stay for a couple of days . brought them to the vet earlier today for their perpetual skin issues, tsk. seeing them like this every other month makes me feel so sad. the skin problem was recovered already and about 2 to 3 mths later.. it came back. wished that they can stop giving them chicken, rubbish food that will cause their skin allergy to react.

sigh. don't know why, but realised that quite a number of dogs passed on within these 2 weeks? my mum's Lucky, Cerise's Snowy, Sister's friend Xiao bai... really kinda scared for myself. Angel is already 14 years old and Bubble's 12 already. Sigh.

People really ought to know and understand the responsibility of keeping a dog. It's not easy as it seems. Behind all the "aww.. he's so adorable.." there are much more to this.You are raising a life, something that has feelings and emotions. Not some cute little puppy/dog that does not give a hoot about living.

They are just like us. They need attention, love, understanding, patience, care, concern, food, shelter, water and everything wonderful.

They can be your best friend for life, it's true. They may not speak like us but they certainly can communicate with us in their ways.

Just like us, we need our parents to be there and really care for us... so do these puppies & dogs.

sigh, can go on and on about these.

wished ppl who loves me can love my loves as well. sigh. ai wu ji wu (read in chinese).

2011-08-18T01:34:00.001+08:00

I can't fucking control my tears.

With love, Lin Xin

last week of June

2011-06-27T08:44:00.000+08:00

Last week of the month, June... 3 things in my mind right now.

1. my birthday was almost a month ago, seriously? it's mid year already. damn.
2. last week = crucial week. 4 days to hitting my target. gotta tighten the shoelace & run faster than ever
3. it's monday, blues.

it will be a hectic week. like very hectic. 4 days left to rush 5 days of route, not forgetting there's setup somemore. i can do it! i must do it.

and fuck, the taxi uncle is speeding like he is F1 driver. totally reckless. just read up on Yahoo News that there's a freak accident on AYE, 1 innocent life lost and 1 innocent man had his leg amputated.
Reason: a bus driver probably due to negligence had caused this. if people can be more responsible on road, stop having adrenaline rush and keep their mind clear.. there wouldn't be so many innocent life lost.

alright, gotta go... take care and till then peeps.

2011-05-23T22:48:00.000+08:00

BORED is the NEW tired.
hahaha.

So, what does this means?
It means, the new word to describe me now is... BORED.
I AM A BORED PERSON ALL THE TIME.

yes, and I don't know why. I AM FEELING BORED ALL THE TIME.

LOL. okay, i just said it twice.

I want to edit a whole load of photos but, but .. butt, BUT! my freaking laptop is so laggy and ahma. HELP!
I need to change my laptop and I am considering changing it to a desktop instead.

SHOULD I OR SHOULD I NOT?

if no.... then, should I should change to a MAC?

tsk tsk tsk. decisions decisions. money money. bored bored.
*screams in tears* okay, too drama.

ahaha. anyway, anyway...... it's the last week of the period. fucking chionging my sales. CAN HIT TIER 2 NOT? PLEASE GOD, HELP ME. I WANT TO GIVE MYSELF A GOOD BDAY PRESENT.
okay, I shall pray that the dealers I am visiting tmr has already sold 90 percent of their stocks and I SHALL replenish them until full full. HAHAHAH.
okay. i am talking cock.

ok, let me show you a photo of me acting cute. HAHAHA.

okay, I LIED. It's 4 pictures of me acting cute.

MUAHAHAHA.

okay, slap me. somebody.

do u know.... it's June next week already?

KNN. so fast. Why? Time flies like a .. erm.. bullet train?

okay, time flies like nobody business in just a wink of an eye. it seems like, once you have cross the 21 mark, you grow older and older in such a speedy time!

fuck time man.

good night y'all. abrubt ending again,

left one more week to go...

2011-05-18T23:56:00.000+08:00

the challenge of being in sales... the end results is kinda unpredictable at times.
this worry leaves you being worried and hyped up all the time.
gonna garner all resources and gather all strength to chiong AHHHH!
lol.

anyway, i'm feeling a little ... just a little weepy now.
guess, this means my menses is coming very soon.. most prolly next week. HAHA.
it always acts up a week before, making me feeling really emotional and getting all teary about all things around me.

you know, i may be happier now... comparing to the past.. but, i don't deny that I have some issues still.
I get scared losing my love ones anytime. I get really afraid of losing my boyfriend. I have huge insecurity issues, and I am still trying my best to overcome them. Sometime, words are just words to me.. actions is what matters most. Then again, words are the main source of comfort to me as well.
tsk. so contradicting. Actions is more important lah!

Bf says, my love language is definitely words and actions. Agreed, 100%
Tsk. I am really afraid of losing him.

Bday is coming... wanted to make plans for it... but now, totally moodless and planless for the day.
I love Birthdays.. i do. Any ideas?

alright, am heading off to bed. nights all!

Determination and Desperation

2011-04-19T23:59:00.001+08:00

At some point you will realize that you have done too much for someone, that the only next possible step to do is to stop. Leave them alone. Walk away. It's not like you're giving up, and shouldn't try. It's just that you have to draw the line of determination from desperation. What is truly yours would eventually be yours, and what is not, no matter how hard you try, will never be.

Read this somewhere and thought I should share.

Many of us gave love too much of time and effort and we thought that those were determination.
We gave our partners(ex) too many of chances, too much of forgiveness, too much of time and held on to too much of hope. At the end of the day, the person who got scarred and wounded so badly inside (or maybe outside) is you, yourself.

After I read this quote, I thought to myself and looked back my past years. I probably had stepped over the line of determination and went into desperation. I couldn't let go because I loved too much, and that was loving the other party too much but not towards myself. Having said this, I can feel my cheek flushed a little, with embarassment. How did I actually looked past myself and not notice that I was going into desperation? I was spending so much time and effort trying to salvage every single of my then relationships, when it was obviously going spiral down the drain.

Indeed, I was desperate to get the love and attention, the once upon time fairy tale story we all yearned for... back from my ex lover then.

To a point of losing my sleep/crying myself to sleep and even dreaming of him daily. Contradicting, I know.
I thought I was going mad! I thought I might just end up in the sea floating somewhere, dead. Yes, it was really bad.

Even after the relationship had ended, hopes was still held dear in my heart and I kept looking forward to the day that there will be a day of reconcilation. As months passed, that desperation of him coming back to me went down bit by bit.

It wasn't easy to live those days, but I managed through. I reflected on myself and I realized that I hadn't love myself before, and really should start doing it so right at that minute. And that very first step was to start walking away from him. It doesn't really matter whether he knew I was doing it or not, because I had to anyway. I wasn't giving up, and it was also not because I did not try. In fact, I gave that love more than I could and more that I ever had given to anyone. But it was time to stop and let go. Start taking steps forwards. Baby steps, one by one.
Determination was worned out and desperation was taking my life away. I learnt that what is truly yours will eventually be yours, but if it's not, it will never be. What I was doing was just depriving myself from true meaning of life and happiness.

I must say, life has been good to me. People who know me, knows that I was such a depressed and sad little girl. And I never ever told anyone that I am doing great/good/happy/wonderful in the past. At most, it was only "I am okay, I guess."
Now, it is great and I believe that my life will get even better!

Of course, I really really really must thank God for blessing me with great courage and strength to keep moving on and bringing wonderful people in my life, particularly Daryl Lee Yong Ming. :) He was my pillar of support throughout, and on. Even when I was such a bad person to him, he never failed to be there. Thank you sweetheart, sincerely.

There's 2 parts in the circle of love, one would be happiness & the other, sadness.
We have heard of many sad love stories, and you are probably hoping that you will not fall into that category.
Well, the open secret is that you can be the decision maker of where you would like to be at, :) or :(

Start loving yourself. Life's so much beautiful here.

Very Torned Up.

2011-03-16T23:35:00.000+08:00

a messed up head. feeling really lousy.
a bad week.

too much to be said, too much of sadness and too much of unnecessary happenings.

it's not you, it's me.
if it wasn't for me, it wouldn't be like that today already. at least, it would be a different scenario if i hadn't come into the picture.

life sucks. and it just keeps on being worse.
no matter how positive i try to be and how i keep myself going, in hope for a happier tomorrow.. setbacks just keeps on coming, knocking me down over & over & over again.

it is hard to handle, fucking hard to handle.
i am losing myself already... but i guess god just keeps giving me tests to go through thinking that i can make it through the rain.
i am trying hard to make things right. and for all that i have seen and experienced thus far, i think it's time to give me a rest. please?

it really sucks to be me.
maybe my past life, i was a bad woman... a really bad woman and probably that's why this life it has to be so terrible.

nvm, i will keep on trying. maybe, one day god will feel my sincerity and be moved by it. By then, he probably grant me access to somewhere happier.

2011-03-11T19:42:00.000+08:00

Gosh.. I haven't been resting well for weeks already. Especially for this week, it's madness.

First, I have adopted a new Chi hua hua. Named him 'Austin'.
He is one hyper boy. Keeps running and running in circles.
And when I am sleeping, he would wake up and RUN and LICK my hand. omg.
and and and.... his snoring is atrocious. YES, this dog SNORES.
hahaha. It's funny yet it's taking my energy away. -___-

IT Fair is this week as well, which means I am helping my mother throughout the weekend.

Honestly, I am switching off already... Can't wait for next week to come man.

And and and, I am totally enjoying myself at work!
Motivating, Busy and Fun.
Lots of work to do but it's a satisfaction everytime you get it done.

Finally, I feel like I am loving my job! :D

Missing EMI BERGONIA

2011-02-24T21:06:00.000+08:00

Suddenly, I miss Lita alot... :(

my another mother.

miss talking nonsense and disturbing her alot...

miss her random dancing and loud laughter...

just missing everything and everytime i was her.

sigh.

2011-02-19T02:15:00.000+08:00

I think i am feeling rather upset now. Feel like crying but I am controlling.

No one will understand...

Huaminians Gathering/Farewell for Marcus!

2011-02-16T22:23:00.000+08:00

Just a quick update! I'm feeling really tired with my back and shoulders aching like mad!

On the 3rd day of CNY, my huamin clique met up and had a farewell dinner and party for Marcus. He's gonna go Canberra, Australia to further his studies. *envious* I wanna get out of SG tooooo! So fucking stress here. Seriously, the high living cost here in SG should really go down.. if not, more Sgporeans will either wanna leave here or not have children.

1 child = 1 million dollars.

Can you live with that?

Anyway, back to the topic......

We met up at Iluma and had dinner.

David had a really big piece of chicken. I think it's the "tong zi ji".

And Wilson was trying to entertain my shots. you like his new hair style?

I think it's quite cool, haha. So Shanghai "tan".

Group shots.

Love them much! Don't know when will be the next meet up already. tsk.

And to Winebar/Zouk/Phuture thereafter! Fun much! :)

Wilson being "ah siao" lol. he is so damn spontaneous.

Cheers! to our friendship!

L<3ve this shot! I hardly get candid shot of myself that pretty. LOL.

The main character of the night! Marcus :)

haha, Marcus is one of my closest buddy I've got ever. From a normal friend to someone whom I can pour my sorrows to and share my happines with. His never failing support for me regardless of whatever issues. His care and concern towards me like a sister. :)

Thank you buddy for all that you have shown and given to me. I could never ask for more!

Hope that you really would do well in your studies and come back to show off to me your rank as a captain once your promote eh. hahaha. anyway, we will try to organise a trip down to visit and party hard with you! :)

2011-02-07T17:19:00.000+08:00

It's the 5th day of CNY and I am home while the rest have already ended their mini holidays and got back to their work! Well, it's just another day more, I will be going back to work tomorrow.

Just wanna blog abit about the pre-cny week...edited some pictures and decided to post it up. At the same time, I just want to bring yesterday's post down replacing it with something more joyful.

So during that week, my sister, alan, ashton, eunice, kelvin, daryl, ian, issac and jayden... we went to CompassPoint for a little walk and a little last minute shopping. Took some pictures of the twins (Ian & Issac) and Jayden. Can't help but notice the chemistry between the twins... so freaking adorable. It's how they communicate and look at each other. Totally makes me go "awwww..I wanna have a twin of my own too". haha.

The other day I went to a temple to pay respect to one of my late relative and there were quite a few cute dogs and cats. Spent quite a bit of time playing with them :)

And these cute little dogs came by to my sis place for a while...

this is Toto. haha, i know.. the name itself is already adorable and he is so skinny. Anyway, Toto was sort of rescued by his owner from illegal breeding home. Heard from his owner that there were 20 over dogs confined in a rather small cage. Toto happened to be a puppy back then and his owner saw that the bigger dogs were stepping all over him, so she chose him. And you know, the idiot had the cheek to charge Toto for $1800.00.

Freaking daylight robbery. But in order to save Toto, she paid up and left.

Toto knows how to do a 'superman' but I couldn't get a picture of it.

and this 'cloud' below is Ni Ni. haha. SHE IS SO FAT. OMG. But she is very a sweet dog.

Next up, is Kitty! The mother of Ni Ni. haha.

okay, enough of dogs galore.

a random picture of my mum & Darius.

& sis, Damien, Lita & Sammi.

My family had an outing to Yum Cha & Science Center and it has been such a long time the whole family went out together. Mum was sweet to have her appointments cancelled for that day so she could be with us :) of cos, I cancelled mine too.

This is Anna from Myanmar. Our family just hired her cos' my Yishun house work is overloading on Lita already. Kids, dogs, chores, meals and all... too much for 1 person to handle.

& Science Center pictures... How long have you not stepped into this place?

We didn't have this pool back then! Kids nowadays are simply living in heaven.

We went to the CSI thing, it wasn't as interactive & interesting as said to be. haha. We got so bored inside!
But anyway, an experience to be counted worthwhile with the family lah.

Argh... the weather is so hot noowwwwwww~ and I am hungry.
This CNY, I have been stuffing myself with Pineapple tarts. haha. and now, Ms Aw is officially sick.
no voice and blocked nose.

Okay, I am scooting off now. Happy lunar new year to all! :)

For Myself...

2011-02-07T00:24:00.000+08:00

It's pretty frustrating to not know where to vent your unhappiness sometimes. At this point of time, I am sitting alone on my sofa bed with only a lamp's light giving me this sad and empty feeling. With this jaded and nostalgic emotions running in me, I really feel like sobbing my night away.

I don't know why, maybe it because it's the first day of my period.
or, it's because the songs on my blog are replaying over and over in my ears.
or, maybe it's because I really have some problems that I don't really know how am I suppose to make things better.

I mean, all I ask is for lesser problems to deal with... a more open minded & heart.
Seriously, I really don't want to have another whirlwind year again. The way I look at things and how I handle them can be really different. It may differ from how some look and deal with, but that doesn't mean I don't care. It's just that, for the past 20 years of my life I have had enough of emotional drama and all these times, it has already taken up a toll on me, a tad too much.
And now I am older and am a settling down age, I just want to start making my life better and happier.. like how I'd always wished for. A life that I want it to be my life.

Maybe I haven't been so much of a good sister/friend/gf, but I am trying my best to be one in my own way. But you know, sometimes it is so tiring to keep pleasing others yet it ends up to be a failure all the time.
& no, I haven't change a bit.. because for those that I have once said that I will be there for you be it physically/emotionally, I am still here.

I just want to learn to stop living for others but for myself from now on.

2011-01-26T22:11:00.000+08:00

As usual, the weather's acting crazy again.. It's worse today. Pouring cats & dogs.
Due to the nature of my work, of course I got drenched, so right now.. I am feeling sleepy & sickly...
Nevertheless, the whole time was filled with fun & laughter with Vincent (my good friend + colleague) Gonna be ex-colleagues by end of Feb, thinking about it makes me sad inside.

From the day we started getting really close as friends, he has been taking care of me like I am his younger sister. Supporting me in a lot of things, lending me his shoulders when I need to cry, hearing me complain and rant like a bitch, protecting me from bad asses..etc. hahaha..

Anyway, he takes really good care of me. Even though that was a period of time we did not meet up and all..things were still the same even after I went back Fossil.
Thank God for this friend, really.

My feet is achinggg... I think I need to stock up some healthy products to nourish my weak body so that I keep myself going. I need to get an umbrella for the nasty stupid weather changes. I need to buy more pretty clothes. I need to save money. I need to buy ALOT OF THINGS AHHH!
so sian.

okay, I am heading to bed already.. and believe it or not, it's only 10.10pm.

Yes, I am that tired. nights to allll of you!

Sleepy me now..

2011-01-25T22:59:00.002+08:00

I'm so freaking tired now.. With all e walking ard every work day, I think I will hv really strong, toned and slimmer legs soon.. Haha. That is provided if I would not eat at every location I go.

So I was having a short coffee break at city square mall earlier during work, the sky's pretty at that moment so I took a pic of it...

But the weather today was a little crazy, it rained and shine repeatedly. No wonder everyone's falling sick.

The other day we celebrated timo's bday at bojangles.. Short and sweet. A little gathering for us after Taiwan's trip.. N come to think of it, everytime we gather and hv a lil drink.. We would always play this game called 007. Haha. Gets people really excited.

I'm walking so much at work now and at the end of the day, it's so painful :(
But I guess at the end of the day, it's worth it. I like what I'm doing at work.. Fun, tiring, challenging ... Great! Wanna keep this spirit going!

Anyhoo...
my poor feet

Alright, gonna head to dreamland now.. Good night!

With love, Lin Xin

2011-01-20T20:59:00.001+08:00

Well I'm sitting at raffles place now waiting for bf to knock off and since I've got a bit of spare time n my mobile's still surviving.. I guess i give my attention to my space here..

Started work for the second day already and it may be tiring ESP for my feet but everything's been pretty good so far...my "sister" will be guiding me till his last day and I'll officially take over his brands. Very excited and happy to be back in fossil once more and this time back with a different position! :) so I guess, everything has been a blessing in disguise ba. I really wanna go it all out and do well here and for long.. So please give me your blessings and support alright? Hehe.

My aching feet after walking half a day...

Alright! He's here! Bye..!

With love, Lin Xin

On a Saturday...

2011-01-15T13:11:00.000+08:00

You know, I've been typing and pressing the backspace key numerous times for this post. I think I have lost touch with the blogging world for too long, to the extend of not knowing what to type even when I have so many ideas in my head. haha.

You may say, type what you feel and what is in your head, but there are so many things to think about when it comes blogging. Like, is it appropriate? is it too wordy? is it too boring or what? Will anyone get offended when they read it or what? bahh.. unnecessary thoughts. I used to blog without giving much of a damn, just speak whats on my mind.. ta da ta da... to cut it short, I think I just stick to the same principle lah.

I'll be going out in an hour and I think today will be a great day spent with my dear and friends. I wanna catch Burlesque starring X-tina & Cher! Saw the trailer during my stay in Taiwan and it seemed really nice! I've always love shows/movies like this, theatrical, dance, singing, music & drama much. I know I have been saying I wanna get back to dance and all, but haven't really done so... & I hate myself for not fulfilling this passion of mine.

Let's hope things will be smoother for the coming days.... so I can get back on to dancing okay?

Okay, think I am gonna go prepare now! tata!

it's been alright so far... :)

2011-01-10T18:59:00.001+08:00

So it's the second week of 2011 already and I haven't really got the path mapped out for this year. Well, I haven't even conclude the year 2010 of how has it been for me... blah blah blah.

For the beginning of this rabbit's year, it's not going all too well in the working side. Coming back from Taiwan' trip, I was looking forward to a brand new job which had relevant scopes with what I have learnt in SHATEC...well, supposed NEW job.. turns out to be a "sham". Very unfortunate experience I must say.

So, I am on a hunt for opportunities now!

Anyway, Christmas for 2010 was pretty good! Spent it with my family, counting down in pyjamas was a new experience! As each year pass by, there will be more kids attending the family events... and it clearly means I am getting older. No longer being addressed as Jie Jie but Auntie already. haha.

SO MANY KIDS RIGHT? & all of them are so adorable! haha, life's even more of a joy when there are kids surrounding you. I never used to understand this but in the recent years, this feeling grew on me gradually. I think it's because of my newphew, Damien.

Ever since, he came into our lives, he made me appreciate and understand little ones even more.

and now, I would look forward to seeing him every single time.

ahhh... the feeling of being an auntie. hahaha. gosh.

Some pictures of me and bf! :)

Ending it abrubtly, haha! Bye sweethearts!

Getting tougher..

2010-12-05T23:50:00.000+08:00

Work has definitely stressed me out more than ever.. but it is only the beginning and i know there will be more to come. A lot of new stuff to learn, be it skills or knowledge, I need to be more hardworking and more fast in grasping the details. May be in the right track and still within expectation, but I know i sure would want to surpass these. 3rd week into this job, sure has been a roller coaster ride of emotions. Haha, can't believe that I actually broke down in such a short span of time. Imagine the amount of pressure I gave to myself.
However, I am more than thankful that I have such a good mentor and boss, very supportive and understanding. :)

Work aside.
It's December baby! 20 days to Christmas, 24 days to Taiwan & my Mum's Bday, 26 days to a BRAND NEW YEAR!
Omg, time sure flies like... i don't know what to say man. I mean, it seems like yesterday was just 2009.
Argh, with the seconds ticking every time I typed a word, it means I am getting older faster. God.
I am 23 this year, but why do I feel like I am only 18? haha. living in a delusion or am I just young at heart? I highly doubt that it's the latter.

Anyhoo, with the rapid changes of my everyday life, I need to work doubly hard and smart... for a better future. I have to adapt to a whole new meaning of life... in order to be happier :)

to be happy and to carve a career/future that I'd always wanted is the key focus now, no longer crying and hitting grounds on why life sucks anymore. bear that in mind girl.

on a side note, I hope all my good friends are getting on real well too. Totally miss the times when we hang out at where ever it is. due to work commitments, think all of you are pretty busy as well... haha. Is this adulthood already? gosh.

good night love ones :)

2010-11-17T23:12:00.000+08:00

I've lost touched with blogging for so long and now it seems that I am kinda rusty with this already.

Not knowing what to blog about even though I have tonnes of ideas in my head. Maybe, lazy is the only word to describe the reason why I am not putting these thoughts into words and pictures. Haha.

Well, for the last two months of 2010... I made a pact with myself that I want to change myself and lead a better life. Better as in happier and more fulfilling.

So, one of these promises is to blog more often and definitely, with better English. Haha. I really feel that my English is getting worse. Guessed it is due to lack of proper usage on it too much. I even get nervous when I speak English nowadays. It's crazy.

With this new job that starts tomorrow, I really need to brush up on my language and public speaking.

No more lazy days!

Next is to exercise more often. You have no idea the amount of fats that I am gaining! Bulging tummy and fat thighs... Omg. Unbelievable. GAH. Still very amaze with myself.... *tsk*

I think Daryl is getting really bored with me complaining to him everyday about my size and fats and all...lol. It's like .. "When will she stop her rants about the fats around her tummy?" hahaha. But, I don't care... as long as you are my boyfriend, you will have to suffer this all your life. =D

Arhh, I am so gonna miss the past 8 months of my life at IBM. Missing my colleagues and the 9 to 6 working hours, the crazy stupidity laughter that I always have with the ladies.. our talks about anything under the sun... and more.

I am completely let loose in front of them, the crazy and loud side of me that not many people would be able to see. No matter how heavy the workload is and how much of shit we are handling every day, we will still be able to gather some time and laugh our asses off.

What I am not going to miss is the work lah, haha. It's madness and mundane and that is the reason why I left IBM.

Well, I really hope that I can sustain in this new life long and good. So friends, please do keep my in your prayer if possible... I really need strength and faith and courage to pull through the upcoming challenging days. Thank you so much! :)

Anyway, the dinner conversation we (sister, Alan, Daryl and me) had was funny. We were discussing about go loh yok (sweet and sour pork) that what is this dish's dialect and how it should be pronounce. We went "ku lok yock?" "Go LOK yock?" "In Chinese is GU LAU ROU right?" bla bla bla. haha. Can't believe we had this discussion for about 15 minutes.

Alright, it's sleepy time! I have to wake up at around 6.30am to 6.40am. So, good luck to me... hopefully I will not snooze the alarm and roll back to sleep.

Good night !

2010-10-21T23:07:00.000+08:00

Hey yo... it's been some time.

left this space blank and in a sad note for some time... many a times wanted to update this blog but can't do so. things have changed alot.. really a huge lot. i've even thought of deleting this and start brand new. but i really dont wanna... not sure why...

well, a little update about me...
my relationship issues has come to a closure and i've started a new chapter with Daryl.
all's well so far on my end.. a couple of hiccups as and when, but manage to pull through. both of us are really committing into this and making it all work out.
as for him, i really hope he gets better as well... sorting out thoughts and getting his life back on track.

i've also decided to leave IBM. Work scope doesn't really suit me. I've found another job that i really hope i can do well and advance further. Very glad that this new co is willing to guide and teach me from scratch, despite my little experience in this field. I know it's gonna be really tough and stressful but i will do my best!

in 5 years time, i must be able to live comfortably enough to support myself and part of my family finances.

For now...i just wanna be happy now and start over a new...
2010 so far hasn't really been very nice to me and i sincerely pray that the last quarter of this year will be much smoother and better.

2010-09-14T01:35:00.001+08:00

Feeling really low these days...

With love, Lin Xin

2010-09-01T00:48:00.001+08:00

每晚就只能这样静悄悄地哭泣。

With love, Lin Xin

2010-08-31T02:56:00.000+08:00

I'm nobody.
Nv good enough.

All I do is to hurt people.

With love, Lin Xin

Avalanche of tears

2010-08-17T01:41:00.001+08:00

probably you've guessed it again, yes it will not be happy entry.
cos today, maybe this week will be one of the hardest days i have to go thru thus far...

i've been keeping to myself alot.. alot alot.
all smiles and probably all high and crazy on the outside.. as if i am having lots of fun.. as if i am really that selfish and heartless ignoring what the rest is facing...
and it seems like it was the best way to keep me going .. keep my feet on ground, not sinking nor floating.

do you know many a times, i would like to blog about many things that had happened.. interesting, sad, happy or angry ones.. but when ever i open this this blog of mine, mind went blank, thoughts vanished.. except for what's struggling in me so much.. and thus, i never seemed to update this space much.

even right now, i have to listen to songs that makes me feel teary and all.. to blog out all these so far.

but i bet.. it's common..for those who are feeling probably the same way as i do..
the pull and tear which bruised your innerself even more than what it has already been so torned.

as we try to recover from our past that haunts us every single day
but the ghost of the past will never let go of us till the day we really keep firm and move on.
the darkness overshadowed every light that we had a glimpse of.

tears flow and paused... then, it continued..like a cycle.
oh god, when will all these stop?
i am really at the verge already.. please, i just beg you.. to give me back the life i want or at least i deserved.
from day 1... it just keeps on going.. different situations at different times.. new heart aches and new stories.. it just keeps rolling.. the pain just snowballed each time..i handle all with stride, patience, understanding, love, everything that i could find a reason to make myself accept the situation and gather all strength that i had to keep everything going.

i am no perfect person, i don't even ask for perfection in my life. i just wanna be happy and contented.

maybe it's retribution of a love one's past and present doing and i was one of the chosen one to suffer like they have said, but i refused to concede defeat to this saying.. at all.....

everyone deserves a little consistent happiness in their life.. no matter what shit they could be going through.. this little bit of happines could just be their totem in life . balancing and keeping things on the right track.
it's probably the only bit of hope to feel that life is still wonderful.

i am trying to seek for that tiny hope... hoping i can pull through it all.

tonight, as i sat and pour my tears out... i have to make a decision within these few days.
it's not easy. not easy at all.
cos, any decision i make.. will hurt either one.. when they are hurt. i feel the pain.. it hurts me as well. it hurts me to see them like this.
i thought i could be as strong as who i supposedly am, facing all these.
but i am so wrong this time, so fucking wrong.

kill me please.

now why do all 3 of us have to go through such aches... when all we wanted was contentment and happiness in our lives now and back then...
it just have to twirl into haywire of mess.
why choose me to hurt someone? i don't want this!

i've been trying to be as brave as i can be, regardless of what happened ...
maybe someone can try to sit me down and knock me out.. get me into a coma state and probably never wake up.. even if i do wake up, erase my memory please.

my tooth hurts, my finger hurts.. my head hurts, my hearts hurts.. everything hurts...
sometimes, i just can't find any more reasons to keep believing in life..
it just gets so out of this world..

i don't know what to do...

..................................

Taylor Swift feat. Colbie Caillat - Breathe

I see your face in my mind as I drive away
'Cause none of us thought it was gonna end that way
People are people and sometimes we change our minds
But it's killing me to see you go after all this time

Mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm
Mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm

Music starts playin' like the end of a sad movie
It's the kinda ending you don't really wanna see
'Cause it's tragedy and it'll only bring you down
Now I don't know what to be without you around

And we know it's never simple, never easy
Never a clean break, no one here to save me
You're the only thing I know like the back of my hand

And I can't breathe
Without you, but I have to
Breathe
Without you, but I have to

Never wanted this, never want to see you hurt
Every little bump in the road I tried to swerve
People are people and sometimes it doesn't work out
Nothing we say is gonna save us from the fall out

And we know it's never simple, never easy
Never a clean break, no one here to save me
You're the only thing I know like the back of my hand

And I can't breathe
Without you, but I have to
Breathe
Without you, but I have to

It's two a.m., feelin' like I just lost a friend
Hope you know it's not easy, easy for me
It's two a.m., feelin' like I just lost a friend
Hope you know this ain't easy, easy for me

And we know it's never simple, never easy
Never a clean break, no one here to save me, oh

I can't breathe
Without you, but I have to
Breathe
Without you, but I have to
Breathe
Without you, but I have to

I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry
I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry

literally speaks about my feelings..

Could you come back and bring me away?

today

2010-08-03T10:36:00.001+08:00

my heart shattered.. and will never be pieced back again.

2010-08-01T01:22:00.001+08:00

心中的痛是没人能了解
心中的无奈是你不能体会的
心中的思念是任何人都不会懂的

那种无法自拔的痛与心情，已经快把我逼疯了。你懂我有多么辛苦费和伤心吗？

With love, Lin Xin

Another day

2010-07-29T21:01:00.000+08:00

现在真的好想哭。
心好痛也很酸。
但我只能忍着...

做回superwoman..

With love, Lin Xin

Location:Kallang Paya Lebar Expy,Singapore,Singapore

Not the mirror image

2010-07-26T18:38:00.001+08:00

Standing at train station platform..looking at my fb.. Saw my picture..

I thought I saw a happy me.. Then I look again..

I saw it all wrong..

I saw a person gg thru mental breakdown.

With love, Lin Xin

Location:Expo

its about both, not one

2010-07-20T22:28:00.000+08:00

there isn't a need to dig out old memories
there isn't a need to flip that diary and read back on those days
there isn't a need to walk that path so as to reminisce the old days or that so familiar feeling
there isn't a need to stop at the walkway just to remember how we used to laugh and push each other into the bushes
there isn't a need to hug that softy fluffy toy so that i can remember that cologne scent
there isn't a need to eat at those coffeeshops
there isn't a need to go all the way to M'sia
there isn't a need to visit that pre-school which is a 3 min walk from our place
there isn't a need to go back to the class and remember how we used to pen letters to each other
there isn't a need to walk past tree top at all
there isn't a need to....
there isn't a need to.... so many things....
to regain those precious memories..

they were never lost..
so deep... but so dark...
there... hidden but so easily found.

i could just sit here and cry all night.
but no one would understand...

to play pretence is such a tough task.

depressed. stucked.

i don't wanna kill those hopes and heart... but i am killing myself..slowly.

there was pain felt. real pain.
there was mental breakdown sensed.
there was ache felt in the head.
constantly. everyday.

maybe this was what she was feeling too.
and led to a meltdown.

many stood on both ends and fought for them.
i stand alone and fight against myself.

runawaytrain

2010-07-16T14:15:00.000+08:00

I don't know if I'm really getting better or am I just getting used to the pain.

Just because today is a bad day doesn’t mean that tomorrow might not be the best day of your life. You just have to wake up to get there.

Anyhow I’m fine. I mean, not that I’m over it, but little by little it’s getting easier to pretend it’s easier, which means easier might be right around the corner.

—	Gilmore Girls

If you have to try and convince yourself that you don’t care about someone, you probably care about them more than you realize it.

Sometimes we can fall in love with someone for all the wrong reasons, and still love them even after all the heartache because most of the time, we can’t pick who we love. And even though we know we shouldn’t love them, we do and always will, because there are just some people in our lives who will get to us for reasons we can’t explain, even when they shouldn’t.

Love is love, even when you’re not supposed to be together.

—	Grey’s Anatomy

There hasn’t been one day since you left where I haven’t fought the overwhelming urge to put you back into my life.

You win some, you lose some. Things don’t always work out the way they are supposed to. I guess if its meant to be, things will always find a way. And even if it doesn’t, you will always have my heart.

We all know

Deb: How did we become so broken? 
Keith: We fell in love, and at some  point, the people we love forgot to love us back.

2010-07-10T23:41:00.001+08:00

Soo.. This Saturday, which is today .. I'm out with the guys.. We had BBQ.. And after a longgg time of not touching mahjong.. I finally lay my hands on this supposed addictive game. Later on... It's world cup, Germany vs Uraguay.

I say germany will win!

Yes.. I've got a pimple right above my lips.

N I went home to get something n caught up with my two darling girls :)
Miss u baby girls!

N I bumped into this cat which is blinded on the right. Very adorable.. Whenever I'm under my block n if I happened to bump into him.. He will acknowledge me.. So cute right!

Till then sweet hearts!

With love, Lin Xin

FML

2010-07-08T00:55:00.001+08:00

I wish I could jus sleep n nv wake up. Fuck my life. Really, I would choose to die any time.

Fuck all these shit.
Fuck u fuck this world n fuck my life.

Ccb

i am very very very sad

2010-06-28T23:31:00.002+08:00

i really really really wanna cry now.

2010-06-25T22:59:00.000+08:00

Just a really random post...

There's the strong urge in me to go back the life of vagueness.
Intoxications drowning my soul.

Drink, dance the night away.

It's unhealthy I know, but at least I'm happy., okay maybe jus for tt short period.
But I think I need this...now.

Tt struggling feeling in me kills me inside out.

With love, Lin Xin

Location:CJ's Car

2010-06-24T13:17:00.000+08:00

thought of revamping this space again.

sorry stopped blogging for a while.
just really didn't know what to say here.
too much to say, but mind so blank when i am here.

stomach ache now. argh.

feeling very blank now.
i don't wanna do anything but i know it's not right.

someone just tell me what to do? told myself never will i get into such situation anymore, but yea.. here i am.

love is a source of happiness.. it's also a source for destruction.

we say, nv to kill ourselves with it.. but we always end up doing it.

i just wanna take a step into dreamland and never wake up.

good day.

up to my neck

2010-06-15T23:46:00.000+08:00

sorry, been so busy. last week's IT fair... so.. ya kknow...
helped out at mother's.
drained out and got back to work on monday with loads of things to do.
somemore, there's a newcomer and i was supposed to teach her.
but i was quite unprepared... but heck, i got it thru here and there.
guided her with what my knowledge.. else, i am also learning while teaching.

so, once again. . .
i am back to the very busy mode again.
wasn't easy adjusting myself into a more comfortable working pace.. but now.. square one.
i used to be a workaholic.. and i am still. but not so much of it now.. cos i think it's not healthy at all.
work until no time for yourself for what?
in the end, you get sick and stressed up.. and all...
worse, end up crying and sobbing and dreaming about work.
one of the worst feeling ever.

i feel that working to the best of yourself is important.. so does balancing your life as well.
work, family, friends and time for yourself.
no point driving yoursellf up to the wall and bottle up to your neck with work.. and end up losing the rest right?

argh. anyway... i will try not to be so uptight with work and relax more.
in fact, i am very stressed up now... rather worried that i can't perform up to expectation.
i think i have a really bad memory.. and i am trying my best to memorise things well.. but how come it's not working?
:(

anyhow, i need to go sleep alr.
very very tired now.
feels like jet lagged but i didn't travel else where and got back in a plane during the weekend. how i wish it was the latter.

good night peeps.
pray for me ya? pray that my health won't go down anymore because i am sick already... and pray that my work will be smoother ok?

i very stress ar!!!!!
sweet dreams love ones!

2010-06-09T00:09:00.001+08:00

I m not super human.
I am trying just as hard as u are.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Location:My bed

I AM 23!

2010-06-02T00:48:00.002+08:00

Happy Birthday to Aw Lin Xin!

and that is ME! :)

i totally can feel that the clock is ticking away!
argh..come on.. being 23 is not that bad right?
i am not even a quarter of a century yet, so yea...it's fine!

hahaha....

thank god for the many good things and great people who has stepped into my life.. if it's w/o them, Ms Aw probably wouldn't have made this far... although many sad things happened and many people left my life... but.. it's all these that made me grew to be a different girl as compared to others and made me a very strong one as well.

for the past 22 years... i've never looked forward to spending my birthday like this year and for 2010, i made a wish that this will be a much better year and of cos, hoping that i will have a very happy birthday.
and looks like i have nothing to fret cos it is happening :)

for a good start, i am smiling as i am typing this... i am smiling on my birthday with no sad stuff in my head. like finally...
it's been sooooooooo long that i felt this happy and contented... and i believe this will keep on going.

good luck and jia you to myself!

willl update soon again!

to you, i am very thankful that i have you in my life... it is probably one of the best thing that could ever happen to me. <3

Food for Thought

2010-05-26T20:19:00.000+08:00

Got this from an email from my ex boss... it's not a touching story.. it's just something meaningful and worth to ponder and reflect on.

****************************************

Mom liked to make breakfast food for dinner every now and then. And I remember one night in particular when she had made breakfast after a long, hard day at work. That evening, mom placed a plate of eggs, sausage and extremely burned biscuits in front of dad. I remember waiting to see if anyone noticed.

All dad did was reach for his biscuit, smiled at mom and asked me how my day was at school. I don't remember what I told him that night, but I do remember watching him smear butter and jelly on that biscuit and ate every bite.

When I got up from the table, I remember hearing mom apologize to dad for burning the biscuits. And I'll never forget what he said: Honey, I love burned biscuits.

Later that night, I went to kiss Daddy good night and asked him if he really liked his biscuits burned. He wrapped me in his arms and said, "Your Momma put in a hard day at work today and she's real tired. And besides - a little burnt biscuit never hurt anyone!"

You know, life is full of imperfect things . . . . . and imperfect people. I'm not the best at hardly anything, and I forget birthdays and anniversaries just like everyone else.

What I've learned over the years is that learning to accept each others' faults - and choosing to celebrate each others differences - is one of the most important keys to creating a healthy, growing, and lasting relationship.

Because in the end, you are the master of your own life, to be happy or unhappy, to be positive or negative.

We could extend this to any relationship. In fact, understanding is the base of any relationship, be it a husband-wife or parent-child or friendship.

Don't put the key to your happiness in someone else's pocket - keep it in your own.

So please pass me a biscuit, and yes, the burnt one will do just fine . . . . . :)

2010-05-24T14:52:00.030+08:00

Met up with Alvin last thurs (20 May) before he flies off to States for a good 6 months, at least. He probably be jetting around else where after that. It's been so long since i last saw him, last Oct?

It's amazing how friends will never leave you no matter how long the time and how far the distance. It's like old times whenever we see each other, no awkward times nor pretentious behaviour. it's just like that, what you see is what you get.

no matter what happened in between, we could just close it off and settle things like mature people and very mutually. no terms and conditions.

promised that i will go states and visit him, or if not, vancouver.

that is, if i have the money.

i'll try my best chippy :)

do take care over there! and HAVE LOTS OF FUN!

me trying to avoid the camera shots. haha

-sigh- i truly admire those who dare to worked towards their dreams and passion. no matter how little it pays or how much time will be taken up everyday.. probably leaving you with no time with friends and family..or how far they have to be away from this safe haven.... but they still go on. fighting. achieving. attaining. me? sit here and shake leg and dream lor. lol. wished i can get back to dancing once more. keep dancing without stopping again. tsk tsk.
anyway, here's a random pic of me again. LOL. sibei ai swee. cannot tahan myself too.

and so.. me and the guys played badminton last night.
it was a great workout and get together.
very fun but tiring... i think i am getting old.. can't last through 2 hours of the play time.
urgh!
maybe i am just getting fat. haha.
fat asssss!

BANGS.

2010-05-20T00:24:00.000+08:00

Caught Kelly Clarkson in our Sunny island just the other day. Great singing but can't expect much of a performance. It was a band and her singing live.

BUT, to me it was definitely good enough...the crown was damn hyped up especially when it comes to her hits! I was bopping and and grooving and jumping away to her songs. =D

Anyway, I had my hair cut just now and haha..

From this...

to...bangs!

and so... i was bored. decided to play with my make up and tried to doll myself up... experimenting lar.

tried to do a bit of waves around the ends with my hair straightener.. turns out to be quite ok! :)

i've got no hair curler that's why yea.

and made the hair a little voluminized....

tadah!

and i know that to have this hairdo, make up is a must. if not, you'll look like shit.

the main point is the eyes. you've got to make it stand out.. at least.

no more plain jane and lazy days!

tsk tsk. i wonder if i can maintain the discipline to keep dolling up not.

tsk tsk.

today at work.. the day did not turn out to be smooth and happy. rather pissed the whole day. i hate to be bullied or in another terms "eaten" (if you understand what i mean).

but i guess, some people likes to push others to their max limitation. . .

just a note..... i will not let you push me over.

alright, i am gonna go rest. work tomorrow!

and it's mid week again by the way :)

2010-05-19T08:56:00.001+08:00

So fast so fast.. It's mid week already. Today started with a downpour.. Let's hope it won't be hot n humid later.

Talking bout time flies, I'm into the 3rd mth at work today! Haha. N hving said that, my birthday is just in two weeks!
Sometimes, we wished that time would just stay put n nv move.. But times we prayed so badly that time will fly so fast that we don't even care. With all the times that I hope n prayed for both.. I learnt to appreciate time more though. That every moment that we hv may not just come by easily.. That way I learnt to be contented too.

It's just as simple as I'm taking a bus ride to work now.. Miraculously I found a seat n am sitting with a row of strangers who are all guys Lol. How often does this happen? Haha. Joking. I'm just appreciating tt I have a seat ok.

Random.. But cute right? Just wanna share la..

Anyway..
Gtg ! Bye bye n good day to u ;)

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Location:857 bus

A hungry woman here!

2010-05-15T21:52:00.001+08:00

Am on my way to Zion food center now to have my dinner! Hopefully the prawn mee stall is open ;)

Two nights ago, I went to Ratchada to celebrate a friend's bday. The girls there quite pretty but the singers voice quite chui leh. Lol. Anyway dun really enjoy Thai clubs.. Cos I personally think tt these places are meant for guys patronage.. N girls go there to admire the pretty faces n body n performances.

Generally we girls can't stay put at such places for too long. One main reason.. I dun like looking at guys playing w girls like tt.

Tsk tsk.

Alright! I'm reaching!

Good day everyone! :D

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Location:Car

Another full stop

2010-05-14T00:56:00.001+08:00

I won't deny I am torn up inside now. But no matter how, I will not give in to my emotions and let it take control this time. I can't afford to try n wait n be silly anymore. It's mind over heart this time.

No matter how difficult this is, I will learn to let u go. I will close this book and burn it somewhere.

I hate how harsh reality is and how cruel the whole situation can be. But it is through these times I can see n know a person's true colour.

Yes, it's over.

It hurts very badly in me but I will heal. I believe I will get better.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Location:Ratchada, SG

I love flowers

2010-05-13T20:02:00.001+08:00

Swee not? Haha.. It's a little surprise from the amazing guy :)

Heheeee, damn fucking surpriseeee

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Angels Cry

2010-05-12T00:48:00.003+08:00

Mariah:
I shouldn't have walked away
I would've stayed if you said
We could've made everything OK
But we just
Threw the blame back and forth
We treated love like a sport
The final blow hit so low
I'm still on the ground

I couldn't have prepared myself for this fall
Shattered in pieces curled on the floor
Super natural love conquers all
'Member we used to touch the sky
And

Lightning don't strike
The same place twice
When you and I said goodbye
I felt the angels cry
True love's a gift
We let it drift
In a storm
Every night
I feel the angels cry

C'mon babe can't our love be revived
Bring it back and we gon' make it right
I'm on the edge just tryin' to survive
As the angels cry

Ne-Yo:
I thought we'd be forever and always
You were serenity
You took away the bad days
Didn't always treat you right
But it was OK
I do somethin' stupid
And you still stay with me

But you can only go for so long
Doing the one you claim to love wrong
Before too much is enough
You look up
Find your love gone
And

We were so good together
How come we could not weather
This storm and just do better
Why did we say goodbye

'Cause lightning don't strike
The same place twice
When you and I said goodbye
I felt the angels cry
True love's a gift
We let it drift
In a storm
Now every night
I feel the angels cry

Mariah & Ne-Yo:
C'mon babe can't our love be revived
Bring it back and we gon' make it right
I'm on the edge just tryin' to survive
As the angels cry

Baby I'm missin' you
Don't allow love to lose
We gotta ride it through
I'm reaching for you

Baby I'm missin' you
Don't allow love to lose
We gotta ride it through
I'm reaching for you

Lightning don't strike
The same place twice
When you and I said goodbye
I felt the angels cry
True love's a gift
But we let it slip
In a storm
Every night
I feel the angels cry

Oh babe, the angels cry

********************

Kinda speaks part of what i feel inside. . .
Maybe... it was a joke all along.
i dared not think nor probe about it. everytime you pop up in my head, i can only sweep my hair and look away, chasing off those thoughts and not let it affect me.
not that i don't want to face it right at that point of time.. but every point of time, it is actually 24 by 7.
and every minute, i slowly realised that i am drifting away from you.. further and away.
as the gap becomes bigger and clearer, your actions and words too became obvious.
i was the fool trying to believe and trying to be there
and you were the manipulator
i couldn't have gone any deeper, it's already beyond words.
as time passes by, i couldn't be any more upset that you just ain't the guy i loved and knew anymore.
you are a completely different man from the one i always missed... the one that i handed my heart over to..
you took it... loved and showered it... and smashed it just like that.
i came to terms that I am just a passerby in your life... just a first love experience to be blown away just like that.
i came to terms that it's impossible to prove you that we can make it, if only you are willing to take the same train with me.
i came to terms that you just don't love me enough... and that's the hit point...

it hurts but it will heal too.
i don't wanna hurt no more...

if you had love me enough, there's no way you could have let go off me just like that.
You wouldn't even take 6 months to consider a possible future between us.. and you know what, you still do not have an answer. what a joke.
i am the joke. yes, very sad indeed.
once again, i am the joke.

14 years... what a joke.
the long anticipation wasted. .. what a joke.
the ups and downs.. esp the down side... WHAT A JOKE.
the endurement and tolerance for the entire period of this relationship... what a joke...
the never ending love and concern... what a joke..
2.5 years.... what a joke

just what am i to you?
shh. it's ok. don't tell me. i can't take another blow from you anymore.

you used to be my baby, my love, my man.. the one and only that i thought i could spend the rest of my life with....

and now... i don't know who are you anymore.

from now... i am a goner in your life.

Love has no boundaries. Love does not forsake each other. Love is love.. the beyond of limits.
but.. no matter how.. it hurts. and when it does.. it's breaks me up in many pieces.

i'm still me... fixing it up by myself... from the previous.. from you.

you promised that you won't break it. . .
you promised that you would be there. . .

but all these time.. what were you doing? where were you?

honestly, i really tried so damn fucking hard for things to work out...it's amazing because i went over my limit.. but i am sorry... i'm outta strength.
just can't go on anymore.

i don't know if i should thank you or hate you.. but i think i've chosen none.
i will leave it as it is.
a blank note ending.

"They say that love is like a war. Easy to begin but hard to end. My heart? It broke, I'm not gonna lie. But I'm done fighting, for you & for us. So I guess what I'm saying is, I'm glad we're over. I'm glad I've this let go.

Whatever it is, I'm giving you space. A lot, a lot of space. I'll leave you alone. Not gonna bother you with 'I think we need to talk' although I really want to & I know I can't face the consequences but I have to so my heart will be at ease. "

Bubbles is sick

2010-05-11T22:47:00.001+08:00

So.. Ms bubbles Aw was limping and wincing in pain.. N she almost flipped if o hadn't grabbed hold of her in time. Panicked, so we decided to send her to the vet.

On our way here, she was gasping for air n everything didn't looked good.

Now, on my lap sits a very fidgety her n she seems ok.. But better to be safe than sorry. I wouldn't want my girl to be in danger. Anyway she's still limping.... So ya ...

There.. Here's a pic of her

After blood test n xray......
Running about..still limping though..

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

;)

2010-05-11T00:12:00.001+08:00

Testing test test!
I am blogging from my iPhone.. Haha.
If this works damn well.. I can blog so often from now on!

Happy happy.. Wahahaaaaaaaa!
And just for testing purpose, I took a picture of my yummy power berries... Which actually taste a lil like cough syrup.. Lol

ok la. Test finishhhh.. Good nightttttttttt

Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

TGIF

2010-05-07T10:17:00.000+08:00

OH HELLOOOOOO WORLD!

i am feeling hippy and happy today! lol.
cos, i haven't looked so forward to a FRIDAY in such a long time.
this weekend, it's chilled out weekend, no helping at mother's and no other ling ling long long.
I CAN HAVE SOME 'ME' TIME.... FINALLY. *SCREAMS*
okay, a bit dramatic. but whatever.
even though some of this me time will be used on my work stuff.
but it is good! cos, i can work on alot of things that i have been wanting to do for my work.

PLEASE, no cock ups for this weekend okay?!

and and and..! i am meeting my dear alicia tonight :)
it's been a few months already. i need to see my ali ba ba before i go bonkers.. that is if i will go mad. haha.
and andddddd!
i am wearing a new dress and it's in light purple and it's fucking good buy.
$18.00
CHEAP NOT?

lol
so san ba.

alright, end here first. GOOD DAY TO ALL OF YOU. =D

JIA YOU

2010-05-04T13:53:00.000+08:00

ms aw has some points to keep in her head.. since this is her diary... here goes.....!

i must gambatte!
no matter what is thrown at me... i will take it with stride and tackle it.
must not look back and dwell in sadness
will chase all negative thoughts away and love life!
has to let go and move on
was a fool but never will be again.
stop hoping for something that is not gonna happen
appreciate and cherish what's in front!
life is good!
things will get better.. it will be.. better in time!
on and on and on...

actually, feeling a little down now. trying to be positive!

Note to self - 'you deserve every bit of love and to be cherish by any other people... for those who doesn't appreciate you, they are a loser!' ahhahaa. *wink*

looking forwardd!

2010-04-24T02:18:00.000+08:00

It's been so long since i last sat on the bed and just enjoy the relaxation feeling of using my laptop on my lap.

i miss those day when i could just stay awake throughout the whole night just by doing nothing but chatting with friends online whilst editing pictures and surfing around.

ever since i started getting my feet planted in the working world, it's no longer these kind of days/nights anymore.

it's head home after work and the sight of the bed just totally excites me.

no, i think it's the thought of it.. that gets me real excited. LOL.

but.. come to think of it......... i have been a piggy since young... haha.

anyway, it's just pure enjoyment and peacefulness that i am having right now.

so, just a small update on my life, i left Fossil and joined IBM SG.

started for a month or so already, learning a lot of new things... quite up to the neck i must say.

but i have a really helpful and wonderful team of mates and boss.

i am so glad that i could fit in and have fun while working... even at the most stressful point some times.

we talk, eat and laugh like mad together.

thank god for this amazing start of my next stepping stone. really pray hard that this will continue to be the same or even better.

so, this week was actually admin week and our pretty lao da gave us a good treat at Yum Cha. Our BIG lao da gave us a bowling treat as well :) how cool is that.

YUM CHA WAS TOTALLY AWESOME.

AWESOME COMPANY AND DINNER.

and

Judy was really very sweet. She gave each and one of us in the team a brownie that really lights your taste buds; and wrapped it so prettily along with a small note to each of us as well.

Yummmm! nomz nom noms!

...

Random Stuff...

was playing WII at my sister's place the other day..

Cooking Mama is actually fun!

but not very addictive for me. it's cute though.

and my nephew looks so cute in here... pouting his mouth while watching his favourite baby channel.

look at Amber... SMILING!

I took this at Sentosa.. one of the hotels there.

very lovely view ain't it?

i wanna wake up to this view every morning can?

totally chase off all the blues i could have.

sooooooo............

love yourself first before loving others. No one respects someone who doesn't cherish themselves.

look into the mirror, what you see in there is beautiful.

life's too short to keep it perfect all the time.

a little imperfection is what makes life even more beautiful and meaningful.

2010-04-18T20:25:00.000+08:00

who am i to say anything actually?

we looked around to find ourselves in a middle of nowhere, walking to somewhere but somehow not reaching the desired place.

is it us or is it them?
it is me or you?
that mess that all of us are in, are created by none but ourselves.

let the mess be messier or clean up the act? you choose.

i must control myself. . .

i totally hate this feeling.

Screwed up body and world

2010-04-12T05:09:00.000+08:00

oh hello world! it's gonna be 5am soon and i have to be awake at 7am!

i slept and woke up to find myself not being able to sleep... sooo... here i am..

RAHH!

having headaches a little too frequent...i need to do something about it. i can't live on panadol forever...it's getting a bit too much! besides, i hate the sight and taste of it. eww.

yesterday's weather was like... warm and humid. not nice at all.

and i am sneezing like hell now.

everyone's flying to taiwan for a break nowadays and the thought of it makes me misses that lovely place so much. if i have a choice to migrate to one asian country.. that would be Taiwan. wait, is Taiwan considered an asian country? lol. i am dumb.

but anyway.....1st choice Taiwan, 2nd choice Korea. 3rd Choice... stay put in Singapore.

No one can deny that Singapore is the safest to be at.

talking about being in a safe place, i just got to know recently that Japan is a messed up country. they are like so addicted to sex all day long. i'm late and slow i know, but that's cause they portray themselves to be so cultural and traditional (besides the porn stuff that they were producing).

it scares and irks me to be thinking of living there.

but other than the lifestyle of theirs, i really think it's a beautiful place though.

it's just scary to know that taking a bus/ train, you could just be rape by a handful of people just like that. totally treated like a dirt whore.

walk on the streets also must live with fear that you may be banged out of nowhere.. and unwillingly some more. where's the justice and respect for women?

but i also got to understand that, some women are just willing parties to be there to offer themselves.

e.g. there are buses for guys and buses for ladies, so if you are just the willing one... you will take the one for guys and prepare to kena the banging and all.

else, be a smart woman and take the bus that is meant for females.

screw up ain't it?

sigh. after understanding the world a little more...i am just relieved and happy to be living and growing up in Singapore.

even though it's a little small and a little boring sometimes.. but to be safe than to be sorry is more important isn't it?

so, i need to go on a a little hunt for places to go and things to do, come up with a list of them.. so that, everytime i won't have to crack my brains just to think of a place when it's outing time.

Really???

Nah. i don't think it's gonna happen. i'll just read up a bit more and keep it in my head.

okay, time to force myself to go back to dreamland.

good night people, good night good night.

an endless aching need.

2010-04-01T00:32:00.000+08:00

am actually feeling down now...
due to many reasons i guess.

sometimes, i feel i am such a lousy person...
can't do things right nor do the right thing.
sometimes, when you learn to protect yourself.... you end up hurting another one...
sometimes, when all you want is to be happier.. but nothing seems to be on the correct track.
it just keeps turning and hitting obstacles...
when what you yearn for could be just a big trap that lets you fall down and down and down.
i feel lonesome.
i feel weak.
seriously, it's been long since i last had a good feeling of having a best friend.

when every god that i prayed to, i asked for happiness..things to be better this year... but none seems to have replied.
maybe i am just too anxious... or rather, impatient.
but i really do hope it comes faster..
so that i can feel good happy warmth in my heart.

Some say love it is a river

that drowns the tender reed

Some say love it is a razer

that leaves your soul to blead

Some say love it is a hunger

an endless aching need

I say love it is a flower

and you it's only seed

It's the heart afraid of breaking

that never learns to dance

It's the dream afraid of wakingthat never takes the chance

It's the one who won't be taken

who cannot seem to give

and the soul afraid of dyingthat never learns to live

living a lie...

2010-03-27T05:40:00.000+08:00

so i am not very sober right now.
i just feel like blogging some of feelings...

i am feeling sad.
i miss my dog
i miss him

the heart ache still hasn't subside.

i want to cry but i can't.
it hurts so much that i don't even know what is pain anymore.
it's a feeling that makes me sad...ached and anguish.
i don't believe in love.. some how... due to too much unhappy and unfortunate events. be a nun? be a bacholorette?

everyday is a living lie somehow.

i miss so many pp in the world.
i just came back from zouk/phuture.. it was great. knowing new pp and dancing and jumping around.
very very enthu and hyper today.

okay, i should go slp, i miss u

the love and bond between your pets and yourself... indescribable.

2010-03-25T00:41:00.000+08:00

Hellooo.. i'm on busy mode once again.

never ending issues surfacing, but it's ok. . . i can handle.. cos' tough times don't last but tough pp do.

today's my 4th day at work.. and it's pretty tough i must say.

everything is new to me.

the people, the culture, the environment, the location, the work scope, the work life...

literally everything.

well, i must jia you... cannot give up.. cos i know i am able to adapt to this.. it's only the matter of whether i want to do it or not.

and so, a big issue that's currently ongoing in my house are my dogs.

HDB officer and AVA came at different days to issue us a warning/fine.. terrible.

anyhow, cut the story short... my peace baby is now living with my sister and i know my baby misses her big sisters very much.

and i miss her alot too...

everyone who knows me wwell enough, knows that i am big lover for dogs and especially for my 3 darlings.

they are my life. they are the ones i turn to when i need somebody to wail and cry to. they are my happy medicine that i can't do without. i need them just like they need me.

i'll miss you, my baby girl. i promise i will go over and visit u as often as i can.

i know you will be doing well there, jiejie will take good care of u. and u have a new sister now, Amber girl. so it's your turn now to learn to be a big sister alright? no longer the youngest, but no matter how.. you will be the baby that i will always adore. i love you blur sweety.

Damien's 1st Birthday Celebration (Chinese birthday)

2010-03-22T00:17:00.000+08:00

well well, i won't be talking much.. pictures will do the job.

just celebrated my nephew's 1st Birthday.

kids are just so damn adorable..

i need to go sleep now.. tmr gotta work! =)

good night sweetiesss!

John Mayer - Slow Dancing in a Burning Room

2010-03-11T07:23:00.000+08:00

super sexy.
one of the sexiest i've ever came across...
ultimate love for this song.
....

It's not a silly little moment
It's not the storm before the calm
This is the deep and dying breath of
This love we've been working on

Can't seem to hold you like I want to
So I can feel you in my arms
Nobody's going to come and save you
We pulled too many false alarms

We're going down
And you can see it too
We're going down
And you know that we're doomed
My dear, we're slow dancing in a burning room

I was the one you always dreamed of
You were the one I tried to draw
How dare you say it's nothing to me
Baby, you're the only light I ever saw

I'll make the most of all the sadness
You'll be a bitch because you can
You try to hit me just to hurt me
So you leave me feeling dirty
Because you can't understand

We're going down
And you can see it too
We're going down
And you know that we're doomed
My dear, we're slow dancing in a burning room

Go cry about it, why don't you?
My dear, we're slow dancing in a burning room

Don't you think we ought to know by now?
Don't you think we should have learned somehow?

Unclear

2010-03-11T00:23:00.000+08:00

well well, as much as i want things to be smoother.. but life doesn't always work the way we want it to be.

there were definitely hiccups and little bumps in my recent days and i was a rather depressed.

however, i've kinda walked out a bit already.

still, days hasn't been real kind to me.

not to worry, i am strong and i can deal with all these...

just a little tired from what's happening at home and maybe a little from what's coming from the outside.

a liitle bit of these and a little bit that... every bit adds up to a mountain of rocks.

i guess, lately i am not the only one who is having a bumpy ride... a few of my close ones are facing worse shit than i do. god bless all of you and may happier days arrive faster so that we all can be cheery once more.

everything's unclear, unsure, uncertain... life, love, work.

the 3 major factors in everyone's living the life dictionary.

will do major updates soon.. next week probably.

gotta help out at my mum's for IT Fair's catering for all 4 days.

mundane.

may all well ends well.

goner soon to be.

2010-03-09T01:35:00.001+08:00

i am gonna be a goner soon before i know it.

Last Day at Work... Fossil SG

2010-02-26T01:11:00.000+08:00

today marks the first ending of my working life.. i am to begin a new challenge.. just as soon as i have found one though.

i thank god for blessing my first step in working life to be a smooth and memorable one.
it's like, i could have been in some where else.. very much worse and unhappy. but no, i was blessed with a wonderful boss, great team, nice colleagues.. and some became close friends.

No doubt the work wasn't glorious.. it's very stressful and crazy.. heavy workload and all.. but, i learnt a lot and the people were one of the greatest bunch that i ever met. Carefree, Fun and Professional.

i was holding back my tears the whole day, trying to act like today's one fine and normal day at work..
all was good until my big boss-GH came over and wished me all the best before she left for the day.
LX: thank you for everything

GH: it's my pleasure mei mei, you must jia you and go out see the world and make your mark. take care and all the best ok. got time, must come and visit us.
LX (trying to act cool) : i will... thank you so much!

the moment she turned her head, my eyes was filled with tears.
Carizza turned and look at me and told me not to cry.. "you crying girl?" "don't cry!"
lol..

that's when all the emo-ness started. i was sad, it was unbearable.. but i had to be ok...
i know my boss-Joann's trying to be okay too. we didn't talk much about me leaving and stuff.. cos' i know she won't wanna talk bout it and she feels that if a decision has been made.. don't dwell too much into it, just give the person your blessings will do. After all, it's not the end right? cos i will still make time to go down and visit them.

Joann, i just want you to know that... you haven't just been a boss to me. You were definitely more than that. You never failed to give me your support and listening ears when i need someone. You gave me advices not just on work but in life as well. You trusted me and shared with me your woes and happiness. Despite my late comings but you always closed one eye to it and has always defended me. For that, i apologise for my behaviour. You treated me like a friend more than just a subordinate. And one of the best thing was.. you never practised favouritism. And the great part is, we are actually quite similar in certain things..that somehow sometimes we know how each other's feelings... thus, created such a fantastic relationship. The morning breakfasts and all the craziness in the small messy room that all of had shared, i will miss them so much.

Thank you for giving me one the best times i have in life and a wonderful journey that i could possible ever have.

Thank you for being such a great boss and friend.

Thank you for EVERYTHING.

Thank you for making the start of my working life such a memorable one.

...

i will miss all of you..............

All the best to you guys and to Fossil SG...

LX, you gotta jia you and work hard on the next embarkation of your working life!

Rapid Heart Beat

2010-02-23T16:07:00.000+08:00

No, it's not because i am in love or i am overly excited about something happy.

just upset about a few issues...
i just prayed to tian gong the other day, hoping things will be better and smooth sailing for this year.
and now, it seems to be going the wrong way.

i am pretty desperate and angry and upset.

on the edge of a cliff, not knowing to drop or hang there...
suddenly, all seems like a blank piece of paper. empty and needs to be filled with ink.

Hangover.

2010-02-21T13:56:00.000+08:00

i woke up with a split headache.
by right, i should be lying on my paradise comfort and probably having the sweetest dreams still; but no, i had to be awaken by i don't know what force, thus leaving my eyes quite wide open thereafter.

sleepy mind and body and soul, but goldfish eyes.

it's only 1.30pm. the eyes was supposed to open at around 3 to 4 pm.
i am ahead by 1.5 hours at least. this is not right.

worse, the eyes woke up and told my head to hurt.
it's the headache.
i am cranky now and i don't know whether you understand what am i trying to say. lol.

but this whole crap is just stating a point that i am awake now (wrong time okay) with a headache.

i hear my nephew's awake and running around in the roller run-a-round chair (which kinda teaches him to walk at the same time), playing with the toys which needs you to press one of it buttons and go "o mac donald.. yee ya yee ya o".

i hear my papa's saying something but i can't quite figure what is it. and it seems like my bro and sis in law is awake too, probably cos of their little one (not quite sure for my bro, he is the ultimate sleeping buddha).
o, i just heard.. he is supposed to help deliver vegetables this morning as his part time job, but... hahaha. as we all guessed, he did not again. why? cos he had too much alcohol in his system last night.

(the cousins and myself reached our respective home after the sun made her grand entrance today)
i embraced her entrance with such warmth welcome with mixed feelings of tiredness, sleepiness and the happiness of the sight of my bed.

ah ma cooked porridge and i can't wait to have it in my empty stomach.
not because i am a hungry monster but it's her fine culinary skills that makes the food so damn superb delicious ... well...it is so hard to resist... temptations
*tsk tsk*
never put up a resistance for grandma's cooking.
you will be beaten hands down.

typing these whilst having a blur state of mind.
blur as in i can still feel the liquor effect swimming around in my head and my heart.
i need a wondrous thai masseuse to release the tension in my body....
i need to feel light and free again.

Holiday Mood.

2010-02-19T00:08:00.000+08:00

SO SHIOK. no work for the past 7 days and another 3 days to go.
ALL IN ALL .. 10 DAYS.
*don't smack me*

lalala. i am totally in the holiday mood man, like this cheery holiday mood is even more than last christmas.
lalala.
had lunch with S,H,D at conrad earlier today and it was marvellous... okay, maybe only on the dessert section.
*salivating*
Anyway, thanks D for the lunch! h, and the choco from Japan as well.

Actually, there isn't much of CNY spirit this time round. maybe it's cos i had to juggle my time between my mum's work and the house visitations. but not too bad on the red packets side, more or less about the same as what i've gotten for the past years. lol.

hmmm.

HOW TIME FLIES.

byeeeee

i don't know what are you trying to prove... i shall not get affected by your actions anyway.
you seemed to be juggling alot with both hands and i tell you, i won't be one of those that you are trying to have together with the rest. it's me only or not have me at all. don't try to make me look like a fool. and don't try to put me with the rest, cos i can tell you.. i am way better... so much better.
i will not stoop to that low level to play the game with you. and please, don't push it...

2010-02-16T13:23:00.000+08:00

in the midst of this supposed happy and properous holidays...
i keep having this aching feeling.
heart ache, thats what it is.

SO FUNNY

2010-02-08T16:04:00.002+08:00

WWWAHAHAHAHAAAA...

HEY BANANA! ... WAZZUPPPPPP..

Ugly Truth

2010-02-08T02:10:00.001+08:00

i am sorry.

sometimes, certain decisions are made so as to protect myself.
and these decision may somehow caused hurt to another.
you can't please everyone.
but i am trying my very best not to hurt anyone.

and because i think i have hurt myself long enough, i cannot go on killing myself like that.
it is fucking painful.
but life's like this, is either you or the other. you have to choose it wisely at the right time and place.

the truth is ugly, and i think i already came to terms to accept it.

this is being realistic, not emotional. so yea, get your mind off thinking that i am being emo now.
i no longer live in a fairyland.

and i realised my tear duct seems to be functioning in dead mode already.
good night world.

when the time is right, i hope i will still be there... to see and make things happen.

i am not made not to care a single fuck about myself

2010-02-07T07:05:00.000+08:00

After all, i am a human.. a lady who has feelings.
i am not some beast which has a heart of stone.
i cannot keep living my life for others and keep sparing a thought for you, and not give a fuck to what's my wants and needs.
i think.. for so long that i have been alive, i haven't really done anything much for myself.. things as simple as standing up for my feelings.
no, i haven't fight for myself very much for the past 23 years..
and i will start doing it from now on.

i need to look at myself and when i do not like certain stuff and when i can't do certain things...i feel it.. i will show it.

and i hope you'd understand, my life needs to start already.

i can't always be there for you physically.. you need to learn to be on your own too.
just so you know, physically being there really doesn't matter some times... i am there no matter what, and that also means spritually and emotionally.

sorry to disappoint you... i am not made to be perfect. I am imperfect.

just reached home

2010-02-06T04:47:00.000+08:00

am actually very TIRED.
thought i should pop by a bit.

i realised i can't hold my liquor as much as before and i get tired really easily...was at Powerhouse earlier and it kinda sucked.
mad packed with small bengs and mei meis, and not happening. -shake head-
*i miss ChinaBlack...and the olden Boat Quay... and .. else la.*

sleepy sleepy.

no more driven spirit to club and drink anymore.

okay, i go sleep now, tmr's a long day. good night all, good night.

sleepy and dejected

2010-02-04T01:12:00.000+08:00

pretty much mad crazy these days.
came to terms with a number of stuff and trying live life as it is, making the best out of everyday.

i don't know what to say right now, but just feeling rather dejected.

funny how some people's feelings and faces can just change in a day.
don't they have some conscience?

anyway, work has been pretty up to my neck as i am handing over stuff to the replacement.
yeap, i am leaving my company pretty soon.
joining a new one soon.
will really miss my boss and a few of my colleagues.

i don't like people messing with my feelings and treating it like it's not worth anything.
come and go as they like, treat me nice or bad when they feel like it.

oh shut up.

i should stop whining and get a life.
like close up my heart and lead a real life and do what i want to do.
enough of hurt and enough lies.
really more than enough.

i hope my girl is feeling alright at least tonight. it's been pretty hard on her these days as well. hugs.
we'll walk through this together.

missing you...sigh.

:(

2010-02-03T18:19:00.002+08:00

Everyone's feeling sad today...
sigh.

WISDOM TOOTH

2010-02-02T17:32:00.000+08:00

my tooth is aching
wisdom tooth.

and it's fucking painful. i think the left side of my face is slightly swollen!

shit.

2010-02-01T22:56:00.001+08:00

oh hello :)
monday's not that bad after all huh. at least for today, that is.
out of 24 hours, 6hrs was used up for sleeping, 8-9 hours for working, 2 hours sulking and feeling pissed off, and for the past 1 hour.. The Grammys. for the 2hours left, i hope nothing spoils the pretty good day that i had so far. (the rest of the missing hours, was some random shit like taking train home and all..)

setting the 2 hours feeling :( aside, i wanna say that i've done a pretty good job today.
and i am referring to dealing with my emotions.

i found a new show that i wanna watch! GLEE!
right now, watching the grammys and had durian cake.... Ling baked the Oreo Durian Cake for me.. and it's freaking awsomely delicious yummmyyy.
i think i am gg to develop a sexy voice tmr.
anyway, love you girl. thank u so much :)

....

side notes..to myself and to some.. to you S too.

sometimes, just by saying doesn't mean anything. u need to show it and fight for it.
there are times whereby sweet talks/words does not work anymore..
"action speaks louder than words" i think almost everybody understand this simple theory but sadly, not many stood by it.
to make a relationship work, you need to put in your soul and love in it.
you don't misuse the trust and love of your partner, you don't do things that will hurt them... no matter how angry you are. You NEVER break his/her heart.

2nd chances can only be given that many a times. and, just so you know. 2nd chance are supposed to be just one time after the 1st. not many times.

anyhow, some of us girls are just that soft hearted. . . but only to the one we thought that they are the ones. despite many wrongdoings.lies.hurt... we never gave up.
deep down, what we want is just to be happy and contented.
while we are trying to be as contented as we can, we are also trying very hard to be happy as well.
we give a thousand and one reason to convince that we are indeed truly happy being with you, and another 1001 reasons to keep ourselves going and esp our love to keep burning for you.
but one can only take so much, push it and we try to expand a little or even more for some... a limit is a limit.
when the bubble is burst, it is burst.

to start over a new, you can't just act like nothing has happened and just press restart.
something needs to be done, something truly real and convincing.
to re-lit that flame once burned so brightly for you, you probably have to put in double.triple the effort to make us believe again.

cos a shattered heart will still have cracks.. it's how you mend it and keep it from shattering to the floor no more.

can't blame us, we gave our all to you, but we received shit from you.
we are drained out.
we were thirsty for your love.
we have lost hope.
there's no more faith to keep us going.
too dry, too lost.

so nothing you say now will help, unless you do something, not small but huge.
that something needs to be going on forever, not once nor twice.. but a constant effort to keep things alive once more.

...
to my girl, u know.. i am here. always for you. do not be afraid, do not let your fear overcome you. fight it. i know you can do it. you know, happiness is the key. your happiness babe. take a breather, things will be clearer.
love you.

dumb ass

2010-02-01T01:05:00.002+08:00

girl, i must say.. u r very naive and dumb.
open up your big eyes. DUH.

FUMING.

2010-01-29T09:42:00.000+08:00

early morning, some fucked up news got into my ear.
cb. i hate u.

stop being a hypocrite.

IPAD

2010-01-29T00:31:00.000+08:00

EE HAA. I WANNA BUY IPAD.

The name doesn't sounds right, but who the fuck cares about the name when the product is amazing?
ipad ipad ipad ipad ipad.

okay, sounds like i want pad. LOL.

now, itouch or ipad?

so if i buy ipad, am i part of the i brothers? LOL. (inside joke)

okay, for those who don't know what's that.
IPAD IPAD IPAD
go on and click and be amazed.

headache now cos i sleep too much. ahaha. and i am very hyper now.
listening to music and grooving to it, like one siao cha bor.

and i just wanna say, I AM NOT DUMB.

If you know what i mean

2010-01-28T01:16:00.001+08:00

Take the pain
Take the pleasure
I'm the master of both

Oh, do you know what you got into?
Can you handle what I'm 'bout to do?
'Cause it's about to get rough for you
I'm here for you entertainment

Oh, I bet you thought that I was soft and sweet
'Ya thought an angel swept you off ya feet
But I'm about to turn up the heat
I'm here for your entertainment

- For Your Entertainment, Adam Lambert

....

Love this song. but you won't know why do i like this so very much. heh heh.
ANYWAY.....
I don't understand why is it so controversial. There are even more songs more explicit than this. Even it's not about the explicity content... i think this song is damn fucking sexy and hot.

by the way, Adam Lambert is hot, even though he is a gay. but whatever, such a pity.

they always say girls turn lesbians is mostly due to too much hearbreaks caused by guys.
what about gays? other than those who are just born to be one, are the rest caused by heartaches as similar to why girls becomes a lesbian?

tsk tsk.

God must have planned this.

2010-01-26T10:46:00.001+08:00

today marks the 2 months since the day we left each other.
and we happened to meet at the train station today.

before i met you, ii was walking and keeping myself at a normal state.
i was fidgeting with my phone and suddenly, i realise someone was walking beside me.
i took a side glance .. "this person is wearing blue.. the exact same blue top that me and him went to GAP and bought as one of his outfit for CNY 2 yrs ago.."
and then i thought..
"it's him?"
and i turned.. i am right.
all these happened in a split second.

you caught up with me and messed my supposed blank mood.
the smile you gave to me, i can't take it off my mind.
obviously, i miss you...

we took the same train to work and i had no idea what to say.
it was awkward yet ... i don't know how to describe this feeling.
we were quiet although we tried to strike a converstation with each other.
at one point, i felt this odd feeling.
we have become strangers.
unfamliarised and awkward.

and "orchard" came, i gave you a goodbye...
with a "kiss and hug to you" in my head.

as i stepped out of the train, i told myself to regain my composure and move on.
cos i could felt.. you're not with me anymore.

"You can't feel anything, that your heart don't wanna feel"

2010-01-25T02:37:00.001+08:00

...so i stopped. can't try to go on further.

when the kite soar, it took a moment of my troubles away.

i looked at the clear blue sky and felt "this is peace, a moment of calmness that i was searching for some time."

i had my family around me, it was good to see their smiles and laughter.

i had my dogs around, it was good because i need them as much as they need me.

good night people. it's getting real late. i should try to cover myself under the blanket and hope i won't dream of you tonight, cos i did last night. i love you.

A little note to myself.

2010-01-24T03:33:00.000+08:00

2.30am.
eyes are tired and a bit swollen.
the pain is back, but i am just ignoring it this time. let it be.
heart is aching. help.
mind just keeps running images of everything.help.
hands feels like knocking myself out to sleep.
legs are just legs.
in a whole, i need to get to sleep but the other part of me refused to.

cry baby. ha. yes, can't deny at all.
yesterday i was out drinking.. towards the end, i was already holding back my tears.
results of alcohol intake or whatever, i don't know. i just almost cried myself out.
held to the point i reached my house doorstep, and it didn't hesitate to flow out.
i cried uncontrollably. sat with my dogs and just hugged them and cried.

tonight the same episode supposed to be on replay...
but family still awake... held to the room and let it out.

later i'll just hit the sack and stop thinking and just have my beauty sleep.
and i will pray that i will feel a little better tmr.
i told myself to be strong, but to be frank... i think i have just stopped at a point and not try to be stronger.
so, tonight i will pray that i will muster the courage and face it and take a step further to be stronger.

Lin Xin, life's fragile as it is... that's why you mustn't break yourself up any more.
cos u know you are about to lose it.
since you know it beforehand, act on the problem and deal with it now.. before it's too late.
we all know you have a lot of things to say to him, but as much as it takes two hands to clap, it also takes his to be the listening ear.. if not, you'll just be talking to the air once again.
you are good enough, so just stop thinking that you didn't do enough.. cos, you know very well that you did.
as much as you were daring enough to face the problems, but someone else didn't have that much of the courage to face it and fight for what he wants.
hide the sweetest memories somewhere far back in your head and walk on, cos deep down that was what kept you going.. so, you gotta let it go so that you can take the step ahead.
the smses, the smile, the eyes, the love you once had from him, treetop, genting, ocs commissioning ball, the nights slept together, combat arms, teddy, him...everything... just hide it until you are ready for the world, ready for yourself once again. just so you know, he's probably never gonna come back again.
you have a life ahead, filled with more wonderful surprises which you are unveiling them slowly.
time is the elixir.
time to get your feet back on the ground.

i can do it.

u make me wanna puke, no it's vomit.

2010-01-22T11:30:00.000+08:00

yes, you make me wanna vomit.

i used to word vomit.
and i don't usually use this V word.

do you even know who am i talking about?
lol.

2010-01-21T18:04:00.000+08:00

i need to find a better distraction.

anybody wanna date me?

FML

2010-01-21T14:01:00.001+08:00

been playing Monopoly Deal and brought some smiles on my face...
anyway....
after meeting up with friends last night - maurice, benny, wilson and 2 new friends - wei wei and desmond... the mood has been fucked and really fucked.
in fact, the whole day was fucked... nono, the whole week.

no, my friends didn't upset me.
i was upset with myself, you and you and you.. and you.
so many you huh?
for u to guess and never find out.

many nights in a row i slept at some godly hour...and wake up, get dressed and head for work.
routined.
very tired i must say, but i seriously can't stay at home and stare at the laptop which will stop working every 1 hr or less (referring to the internet explorer). i am not a homely person and had only successfully became one for some time when i was still with jason. when all was over, i was back to square one.

last night, i had some friends msning me about him... hoping we would get back together.
hey, i am not a heartless soul you know. do you know deep down how i feel? do you know deep down how much i want to be with him? very very very much.
but it is really not up to me anymore.

right now, i am living a life which i am still trying to figure out what is it.
tired and lonely and packed and messed. yes.
i had directions and goals. and i am still working towards them and have not forsake. but, above these wants and needs... i am messed up. i am not perfect, not very very smart, not drop dead gorgeous and i do not have a monstrous beautiful figure. i am clumsy and whiney and emotional and an introvert in alot of aspects. and many more.
i have so many stuff on my head that last night i think i almost went bonkers. at one point, i suddenly thought of her(YD)...and i questioned my behaviour and comparing hers to mine. seems quite similar to me... wondering, is this what she felt too before everything came to a full stop?
well, it's not good... really. it's scary.

genes and inheriting them.
got them all man.

urgh. fml.

anyway for those who are concerned, i am fine. just not in a good mood, very distorted soul here.

apart from all these, i still love you.

gone for a while.

2010-01-20T14:08:00.000+08:00

it's for myself.
i'll be gone for a while, laying low and all.

may update here if i want but else, you won't see me much in cyber action.
fb,msn... disappearing for the time being.

call/text me if needed.

i need to sort things out, need to find myself back, need to find a new life.

good luck to me.

Hyper Today

2010-01-20T13:52:00.000+08:00

hyper for all sorts of reasons.

anyway, half a day more to go...

keep the momentum going. just keep it going.

i slept fucking late last night and i am damn amazed that i am feeling oh so alright now.
i woke up and got to work. *clap clap* for myself.
i am getting my life packed with activities, so much so that i don't have even have time for myself.
good good. i need to do that for some time.

i might change my blog address again, see how first lar.

i have a lot a lot alot alot of things to say to you.
but...
i guess, you will never get to hear them already.

Just Someone Else...

2010-01-19T15:01:00.000+08:00

today i made a decision that will probably affect me for the rest of day, maybe rest of the week.. or rest of the month.. perhaps rest of the year?

not feeling very good now. but i am trying to hang on there.. keep myself going.

feeling very dejected and probably rejected.

my tears are on the verge of flowing...
i tell you, it hurts so damn badly but what can i do?

talk more tonight.

perhaps.. i am just someone else.

a passer by in your life.

Eyes Big Big

2010-01-19T06:06:00.000+08:00

it's gonna be 6 and my eyes are wide open now.
very tired mind but very energetic eyes.. which prompts my hands to on the lappie and therefore, blogged this entry.

yesterday, i got my results and it turned out to be fine.
couldn't really determine a cause for my pain but nothing too jia lat.
like the doc had said before, probably due to curve spine.
my kidneys are fine, my liver is good and my bladder's too.
which means, i can go drinking and dancing without worrying again!

doc did give me some medicine that relieves the pain, so i guess this is more than enough for the momen...till it acts up real bad again.

it seems that today's gonna be a monotonous tuesday.
one note. boring.
else that makes the day a little better, is that i'm meeting serg tonight.

good night world, hope you had a good rest and goood good day.

were u being concern cos' you just didn't want to upset me further?
anyway....
i dreamt about you.
can't remember the details, can't remember good or bad...
but all i know is, i dreamt of you.

I Want You To Show Me... ....

2010-01-16T20:41:00.004+08:00

I Want To Know What Love Is

I gotta take a little time
A little time to think things over
I better read between the lines
In case I need it when Im colder

In my life there's been heartache and pain
I don't know if I can face it again
Cant stop now, Ive traveled so far
To change this lonely life

I wanna know what love is.....
I want you to show me......
I wanna feel what love is.....
I know you can show me......

I'm gonna take a little time
A little time to look around me....
Ive got nowhere left to hide
It looks like love has finally found me....

In my life! there's been heartache and pain
I don't know if I can face it again
I cant stop now, Ive traveled so far
To change this lonely life!

I wanna know what love is.....
I want you to show me......
I wanna feel what love is......
I know you can show me......

I wanna know what love is....
I want you to show me....
And I wanna feel, I want to.... feel what love is....
And I know, I know you can show me....

show me

I wanna know what love is, lets talk about love
I want you to show me, I wanna feel it too
I wanna feel what love is, I want to feel it too
And I know and I know, I know you can show me
Show me love is real, yeah

----------

ya, i wanna what love is.
can you show me?

A war of emotions.

2010-01-15T23:08:00.000+08:00

there are many thoughts running through my head today.. just today alone.
i haven't been thinking so much since 1 month ago.
so for this 1 month, all i did was to avoid thinking and dwelling and drowning.
wrong way of overcoming this obstacle?
you really think so?
but this is all i can do to not look back.
i hate walking the path towards Forum/Tree Top Service Apartment..
but well, i tried to that other day...
and it suck, even though i looked perfectly fine.. but deep inside... i was fighting a war.

a war of emotions.

i don't like these thoughts.

"the truth hurts, and lies worse"

today does not feel right at all.

i don't like pouring my troubles to people who does not react to me.
what's the point of asking me to tell you my deepest thoughts and feelings when all i get are silence and objection and disapproval and discouragement.

that is partly why i stop telling my closest ones about myself.

i closed myself up and just let my thoughts run and run and run just in my head alone.

to you, when you look at me .. laughing and smiling. do you really think i am fine?
do you really feel that i have already move on and got over the overwhelming aches?
do you think shattered pieces of one's fragile heart is able to just heal in such a short time?

well, i am just asking.

do i live my life for everyone else but not myself?
did anyone ask me what do i really want? no one.
really, are my wants and needs not worth asking, or considering?
this life, who spared a thought about my feelings?

well, i am just saying.

i am going to meet you again in a while, but i do not feel that excited nor happy.
in fact, it's breaking up inside.
don't ask me why... but i knew it all along.
i hate the fact that you say there's no one.. but there is someone else.
maybe i am wrong? but, i am almost sure... you're not trying the best you can.

every night i lie on my bed and the moment i open my eyes when i am awake.. it feels the same..
i miss you. i miss you. do you hear me?

even if you do hear me, what's the use?
none.

.... LX, stop the tears. wake up your fucking idea.
*slap myself*

anyway, i am fine. don't worry. it's just for a while, right now..

Urghh.

2010-01-15T12:08:00.002+08:00

sigh. i need to go for a further test.

damn.

CNY is coming!

2010-01-15T10:13:00.001+08:00

LOL. i have no freaking idea why am i so enthu about CNY...
thus explains my excitement and random shout outs about CNY is nearing!
but i have always love this festive holiday, haven't you?

money money!
delicious food at 3rd grandaunt and other house visits are waiting for my arrival!
Pineapple Tarts!
and more Pineapple tarts!
Chocolates!
Loveletters!
able to see and catch up with relatives and friends!
see people play mahjong and poker cards!
blessings from one another!
new clothes!
new shoes!
dolling up!
laughter and fun!
i love gatherings!
MANY HOLIDAYS.....!

and moreeeeeeee.....................

This CNY, i am going to touch mahjong tiles. i want to learn to play this freaking addictive thing and get my hands on it and win money. LOL.
like i am able to lar huh...

1 more month!
1 more!
wahahaha!